What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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