Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
