I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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