i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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