Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
