I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
