Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
