Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
