butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
