When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
