We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
