i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Houston, we have a squirter
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
