The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
