I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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