I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
