The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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