i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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