two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
