she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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