i permit you to call me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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