Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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