Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
