I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
