she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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