just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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