yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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