who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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