Welp...herpes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
