Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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