Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
