turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
cat food counts as protein by the way
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
