I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
