I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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