Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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