Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
