Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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