mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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