Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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