You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
