Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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