Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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