and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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