You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
