Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My penis needs a shock collar
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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