and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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