That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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