I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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