im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My penis needs a shock collar
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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