I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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