I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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