I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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