I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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