You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
