The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
