and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
