Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
