the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
