what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
