Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
