so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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