i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
