I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
