I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
