Sry I called you an 8
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
