the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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