yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
