that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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