You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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